Godless Commie Queer

Finally! An original post!

It’s a funny thing how being in $80,000 worth of debt changes the way your brain works. I’ve noticed in the past few months that I’ve been turning over ideas in my head about how to make money - something that I’ve never really cared about before. And some of these ideas are becoming increasingly disturbing…

The thing about making money is that until you’re actually doing it, you think that it’s a lot easier than it actually is. It might have to do with the fact that I came of age at the beginning of the worst economic disaster in 70 years, but I expected that making a decent living wouldn’t be such a damn struggle. If I had known that a degree from a private university wasn’t a guarantee to decent employment I wouldn’t have gone to school in the first place.

So yeah, being this desperate makes you begin to churn some really weird ideas around in your head. I read an article about someone who was locked away in a police holding cell for five days and was forgotten. When they finally found him, he was in a pool of his own waste with his final message to his mother scratched into his arm. They took him to the hospital and found that he had a perforated esophagus from eating glass. He’s now suing the police department for $20 million.

The first thought I had after reading that article:

I wish something like that would happen to me so I could sue and pay off my student loans.

It took a few beats before the implications sunk in and I realized how absolutely horrifying that would be, and then it dawned on me that being in extreme debt that holds not only me but my family hostage has thrown me into such a state of desperation that such thoughts seem completely reasonable, at least at first.

Of course, self-harm is out of the question, but I still don’t have many other options left.

I swear, one of these days I’m going to start posting original and inspiring content to this blog. Just you wait.